Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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