So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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