Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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