I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
