In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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