I'm going to jail i love you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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