I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
