tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
