Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
