He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize