i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
