I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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