Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize