the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
