I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
