Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am available for nakedness
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
