all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
