Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
