As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
