My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
