I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
