Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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