So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
