I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
