i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
