anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
