if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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