glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
