Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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