Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
