piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its not stalking. its research.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
