If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I intend to get homeless drunk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
