I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
