I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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