I am midnight drunk by noon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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