apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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