i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
