I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
