I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
