this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
