I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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