oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
