we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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