Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
