i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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