Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
