Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
