If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
