I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
