Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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