sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
