hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
