Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
