How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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