im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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