Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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