found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize