If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
