Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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