i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
