her vagine was all disorganized.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
love makes seman taste better
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
