Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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