He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
