I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
