I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
