Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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