Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
