Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
