I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
