Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
