sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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